over the weekend, an old friend came back to town to visit family

so she wanted to hang out and catch up

I think I hurt her feelings a little

she wanted to play pool and have drinks…

ultimately I shot it down because I don’t like pool….

so we didn’t go to a bar/place with a pool table

I kinda feel bad

but not really

for far too long

I have always usually went along with and compromised too much for people

even my friends….some of them take me for granted in ways I can’t imagine and only recently realize

so now I am going to do more self care and be more selfish

I’ve never gotten my own massage, but have given others massages in the past

in the next few weeks I want to go get a real massage for myself




on days like this

when I work 12 hour work days,

I wish I was a consultant and could determine my own projects, work hours, destiny and income….fuck

this bitch ass 9-5 grind…..


dreams of my father

it’s been a stressful/long ass fucking week

the next 1.5 days will be more draining….

I am so done

I wish my boss wasn’t so indecisive….

it drains my soul, stresses my mind/body/schedule to no end

I wish you could write a review on your boss….

annual reviews are too one-sided.

it needs to be a two-way relationship like anything else….


earlier this week, I had an interesting dream

i was in some retreat

a facilitator asked everyone to write down something

I don’t recall the prompt

but we read each other’s writing

the person’s essay I read made me cry in the dream

it was an apology to his/her father, and for reconciliation

I awoke….

asking myself if it had deeper/similar meaning

to the way I am now starting to mend relations with my own father…..


had a good conversation with a friend the other week about getting more serious about grad school and other future plans…

I am banking on a new, ambitious plan to set things back on track…

a 4 year plant to erase my debts so I can focus on getting back to school

the truest love

wherein lies the secret

to blossom your flower?

that I may know which seeds to water

in the next time I visit

once more

for let me know

how April showers May

I want that for you too

fair winds

if I knew you had the strength to leave

I wouldn’t ask you to

I would remind you that you had the option to fly

if I knew that you had the vision to flourish

I wouldn’t ask you to

I’d show you what it was to broaden your own horizons


the stress is overwhelming

I am a workoholic

I dream/have nightmares about work sometimes

I think I have ptsd

I took Monday off because I have been battling sleep issues and over the weekend a migraine

and the stress….of it all….