a depth unseen

I’ve made a real close friend, here quick

and it was an interesting way to come about

we met through my work, about two years ago

but it was about 1.5 years ago that we began to become close.

after my official work one on one mtg check-in with her, she pulled no punches, and said “can we be friends outside of your work?”

I was quite surprised but also appreciated the frankness of the question

I said yes, of course.

I was tepid at first, because here is a married woman who I know through work, not even as a colleague but as someone who is coming through one of our programs.

but I am glad that I trusted my heart, and we have become extremely close

although I have to admit that there were times when I began to question how our friendship might seem to others and those who observe us

here is a married woman who invites me out to lunch, dinner or political events without her husband for the most part, it’s just the two of us. never once did I have suspicions of ulterior motives but I did have some early qualms about if our mutual friends would think I was trying to be a homewrecker …and I also don’t want to soil her reputation or upset her husband…but then again, most of the time, I am not initiating most of our interactions

and also, I have close female friends who have boyfriends and husbands…but often times it is because we have been friends since college and or I’ve known them way longer before they met their SOs and so for me it is not weird, but for me to make a friend later in life, and with a married woman…. it took some getting used to….

and this person is extremely comfortable with me

very physically affectionate, which I am also not used to in particular or in general

but it has been a good learning experience for me…. as I reckon with that fact that I should be grateful to make new friends as I grow older yet

I love her passion, her friendship and above all, I am honored to have found a new close friend.

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whoa

one of my new close friends just revealed to me she and her husband have had 3 miscarriages

she said sometimes it’s insensitive people ask “when are you going to have babies?”

“how do you know we’re not trying?”

 

lonely fools

the radio prompt had the saddest question yesterday

it was about regrets from marriage

and the people writing/texting in had the worse, sad shit to say ever

……

I married cuz all my friends did it, and two marriages later, I came out of the closet (a female)

I married my husband cuz I had bad health insurance, 8 years later we’re divorced, but I don’t have regrets because I have a beautiful child

I was the third man she tricked into having a child, but not the last…well, she’s not my problem anymore, she’s his now (lol)

I married because of societal pressure and stayed in an abusive relationship, but am glad that I am now out. (good for you)

We married because she got pregnant, thought it shouldn’t be a reason to jump the gun, we don’t regret it

 

BANK II

wow

what a very cool, welcome surprise

I used to envy friends in the private sector who got year-end bonuses

having used to work in the public sector, now in nonprofits, I did not think I would see this day

 

but today our boss surprised us

after a great year,

he gave us each a $500 gift card

I am beyond happy, elated and grateful

go big or go home

I’m gonna be a little more stingy and selfish and self-interested going forth

I think I’ve been wasting a lot of time and energy investing in friends who don’t think as competitively about gratitude and loyalty as I do

earlier last month I excommunicated a friend who wasn’t very grateful

they live in another city out-state, and would strongly recommend I go watch a movie

and we can compare notes/talk about it, which I do

but when it comes time for me to ask them to do similar a task

they ignore/reject the proposition…

I’m gonna start ghosting friends who ghost me on Words With Friends or who make me wait days on end to play back,,,, give them the same medicine they give me

I’m gonna stop replying to people who only come to me for things if and when they need it right there and then

I’m gonna stop wasting my time with people who aren’t urgent, who don’t express the same gratitude I do…I am an extremely competitive man in certain, very particular ways and I haven’t lived up to myself lately

I’m gonna stop talking to people who are fake and not sincere

people who don’t invest in me, who don’t invest in the same things, values and ideals, and even the same fun as I do

I now turn insular

I now game singular