over the weekend, an old friend came back to town to visit family
so she wanted to hang out and catch up
I think I hurt her feelings a little
she wanted to play pool and have drinks…
ultimately I shot it down because I don’t like pool….
so we didn’t go to a bar/place with a pool table
I kinda feel bad
but not really
for far too long
I have always usually went along with and compromised too much for people
even my friends….some of them take me for granted in ways I can’t imagine and only recently realize
so now I am going to do more self care and be more selfish
I’ve never gotten my own massage, but have given others massages in the past
in the next few weeks I want to go get a real massage for myself
on days like this
when I work 12 hour work days,
I wish I was a consultant and could determine my own projects, work hours, destiny and income….fuck
this bitch ass 9-5 grind…..
it’s been a stressful/long ass fucking week
the next 1.5 days will be more draining….
I am so done
I wish my boss wasn’t so indecisive….
it drains my soul, stresses my mind/body/schedule to no end
I wish you could write a review on your boss….
annual reviews are too one-sided.
it needs to be a two-way relationship like anything else….
earlier this week, I had an interesting dream
i was in some retreat
a facilitator asked everyone to write down something
I don’t recall the prompt
but we read each other’s writing
the person’s essay I read made me cry in the dream
it was an apology to his/her father, and for reconciliation
asking myself if it had deeper/similar meaning
to the way I am now starting to mend relations with my own father…..
had a good conversation with a friend the other week about getting more serious about grad school and other future plans…
I am banking on a new, ambitious plan to set things back on track…
a 4 year plant to erase my debts so I can focus on getting back to school
wherein lies the secret
to blossom your flower?
that I may know which seeds to water
in the next time I visit
for let me know
how April showers May
I want that for you too
if I knew you had the strength to leave
I wouldn’t ask you to
I would remind you that you had the option to fly
if I knew that you had the vision to flourish
I wouldn’t ask you to
I’d show you what it was to broaden your own horizons
the stress is overwhelming
I am a workoholic
I dream/have nightmares about work sometimes
I think I have ptsd
I took Monday off because I have been battling sleep issues and over the weekend a migraine
and the stress….of it all….