if you knew the ending to the story
why play it all the way out?
one too far
one not far enough
not even in waiting for gratitude
is there an ounce for joy
a word too soon
and not soon enough
an act undone
if not repaid with kindness or gratitude.
stop…asking…for too much….
I saw something so beautiful it blinded me
for a brief moment
but it made me appreciate the masks I wear for each occasion
to conceal my own real feelings in the moment
ITS’ been a fun and wild week of turning 30
the week started last week with various friends taking me out to drink throughout the week nights
and my good friend Violet treating me to lunch on the day of (Friday)
capped off by an epic bbq that my friends and brothers helped throw together
it ends Wednesday with my last friend Bao taking me to lunch
I’ve taken some somber and sobering time to reflect about my …(presumably) half life thus far
and all the things I want/want to do yet, have not done, have already done…
and all the things I wish I had done already
and I am both more eager, and fired up to bust my ass ever hard toward the things
on my bucket list
and I am so mad at myself that I let some things fall to the wayside
that this anger and bitterness will drive me for the rest of my life
I saw a cool job I think I would make a good fit for
application deadline is end of month…
I haven’t seriously thought about/actively job searched….
but I think I am gonna apply…lol
as I turn 30, I feel like…I have been a bit too complacent and have done nothing with my life…
at 26, Alexander The Great conquered the world
at 26, my father married and started our family
I don’t get paid enough here and it’s fantastic but some particular quirks of my boss just drives me nuts sometimes
and also..I was not happy about my 1 year review in October because I felt like some metrics I was graded against….I did not know I was being graded for ….