wince

one too far

one not far enough

once over

once under

not even in waiting for gratitude

is there an ounce for joy

a word too soon

and not soon enough

an act undone

if not repaid with kindness or gratitude.

stop…asking…for too much….

no more

forever

colors

I saw something so beautiful it blinded me

for a brief moment

but it made me appreciate the masks I wear for each occasion

to conceal my own real feelings in the moment

30

ITS’ been a fun and wild week of turning 30

the week started last week with various friends taking me out to drink throughout the week nights

and my good friend Violet treating me to lunch on the day of (Friday)

capped off by an epic bbq that my friends and brothers helped throw together

it ends Wednesday with my last friend Bao taking me to lunch

I’ve taken some somber and sobering time to reflect about my …(presumably) half life thus far

and all the things I want/want to do yet, have not done, have already done…

and all the things I wish I had done already

and I am both more eager, and fired up to bust my ass ever hard toward the things

on my bucket list

and I am so mad at myself that I let some things fall to the wayside

that this anger and bitterness will drive me for the rest of my life

self-care II

I saw a cool job I think I would make a good fit for

application deadline is end of month…

I haven’t seriously thought about/actively job searched….

but I think I am gonna apply…lol

as I turn 30, I feel like…I have been a bit too complacent and have done nothing with my life…

at 26, Alexander The Great conquered the world

at 26, my father married and started our family

ugh…

lmfao

I don’t get paid enough here and it’s fantastic but some particular quirks of my boss just drives me nuts sometimes

and also..I was not happy about my 1 year review in October because I felt like some metrics I was graded against….I did not know I was being graded for ….