sometimes you got yourself some great friends
and other times you still have ungrateful ones who don’t think too far about selflessness and compassion for themselves or others
recently my college friend Lisa saw me posting pictures of social outings on my social media….she texts me guilt-tripping stuff about how I don’t invite her. I straight up tell her lame ass that it is her fault…she never comes/stopped coming to my events so at some point I stopped inviting her, period….and love and friendship is a two way street…you have to make the effort to go out and invite others too….not just wait for others to invite you….lame. I think I encouraged her to improve her 2017 social calendar. lmfao….I will hold her accountable.
speaking about such related things as friendly affection, different friends have different ways of expressing their love for you. my friend Crystal is always thinking of me and sending me postcards from everywhere she goes, and signs off with a heart. my friend Vi always makes sure I feel included – asking me to dance at a party when everyone else is dancing and I don’t dance, or always scooting right up to sit next to me in personal conversation no matter how close I already physically am to her or others. my friend Angie takes me to happy hour and gives you the warmest, strongest hug that is deeply personal and aggressive. my friends Doua and Malisa will bring me white bass once in while when their family members buy/fish them…bring them to my house, giving them to my parents as gift and refusing my cash, just cuz they know my parents love to eat steamed white bass.
I often wonder
and sometimes fear
if I am adequate
or too overwhelming in who I myself come off as affectionate to those I love
do I level out, or smother them or am I too cold and stoic?
I often wonder
and have to balance sincerity with comfort and what the other party wants to receive or how receptive/mutual they are/feel