emotion(less)

mother annoyed me the other night

she gave my younger brothers and I a short lecture…

basically she was chiding us for not doing anything for father’s day, in particular she was mad that we didn’t do anything at all or even take him out for dinner or give him money for a new walking shoe…I had no idea he wanted/needed a new pair of shoe. no fucking idea.

the things that angers me the most is that…our family mostly grew up not doing these holidays at all…only in recent years have we done them…and only then mainly for the nieces/nephews …

besides… my family is a very traditional Hmong fam, and my parents did not raise us to be emotional, we were never taught much affection in words or physicality… so I try to be affectionate to everyone outside the family, but not inside the family…. because we weren’t socialized that way. it’s kinda awkward. and we’re not used to that with each other…besides, we don’t need grandiose grandstanding to express our love/support for one another anyway.

Mother has her own issues and sometimes she takes it out on us..one of the few things she can control…and it’s fine…but to accuse us of being ungrateful/not great sons for not doing father’s day….I think is out of bounds. my own fucking father did not show us affection growing up…why am I fucking obligated to start now? I show my love in other ways. take it or leave it.


maybe it’s just women….

maybe women care more about the lack of celebration or observance of a holiday or thing

I sure as hell don’t want to give the wrong expectations of anything…

this is why I hold back my emotions

this is exactly why I don’t care too much for emotions…why I try my best not to be like my mother

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