damn lies

what is a single truth

that if it was known

and spoken

would change the world?……

 

hold that thought

for the greatest lie…is the lies we tell ourselves.

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I can’t love you like that

you can’t love me like this

I know well when I’ve walked a bridge too far

and there are some bridges I will never cross again

there is a difference between a need and a want

and sometimes

you are neither.

on love and war

I’m usually good a reading people

and their relationships

but once in a blue moon I get it off/wrong

some friends’ relationships I can endorse

and then of course, there are some friends’ whose relationships I question and cannot endorse

… sometimes too, I find out things I shouldn’t or did not want/need to

but by happenstance find out things about their relationships for better or worse

and in this case it was brought to me

as a last resort

because so many people confide in me and then I know too much and everything

and turns out

a good friend’s relationship has blown apart

and they are in a deep custody battle ….

it was sad to see…

I once thought they were a good couple and things would never end…

a las

I am wrong sometimes

white freight/white fragility

mircroaggression stories

my own:

 

mircroaggression is: going to my National Night Out (NNO) block party, and seeing two white guys semi-secretly shamelessly pass out beer to other white guys and exclude me and my father, the two only non-white guys present. maybe next year I’ll bring beer and drink by myself.

 

mircroaggression is: entering a bar, where the white bartender takes my drink order (which happens to be on happy hour menu) and says nothing to me, only a quick summon of the price – so matter of fact…and every subsequent white customer comes in, he tells them that it is still happy hour (they have 15 minutes) ….does a brown man like me not want to save a dollar on happy hour? oh well…I leave without tip. fuck you too…hahahaha….but I didn’t leave without getting another drink on the HH deal lol.

 

mircroaggression is: entering a restaurant 25 mn to closing, and the host tells me they care closing for the night….when they don’t close for another 25 mn and the house is near empty.

cannot white people today.

cannot

of vice and virtue

for too long, I have been the black box vault for others

a rock

a fulcrum

but I can’t and don’t have anyone to go to myself……….

all my secrets I tuck away

and now they boil up and weigh me down

and now I am done….

done being a black box.

changes

I am not my brother’s keeper anymore

not this particular one

shit went down

last night….

I just can’t.

funk

The phone interview for the job the other week didn’t pan out

It was a little disheartening

but it’s OK

the recent job search/applications have gotten me a little more hopeful